Forgiving is part of surviving toxic relationships
By April Lawson
In May 2019, a trauma therapist asked me a question I’d not contemplated before, “What is forgiveness to YOU?” I grew up in a church where I knew what forgiveness was and, in my faith, I still believe that; however, that wasn’t the question.
I thought about it for weeks, until I asked myself, how did I forgive my past? A past with an eating disorder (ED), as I stood on death’s door, and an ex-husband who left me, while I was in an eating disorder clinic? I realized I forgave myself and the ex-husband three years later when I looked around at the people who I had met since choosing to win the ED battle. My best of friends came out of it. I love them today like family.
I had to choose to never go back to that. I had to choose to get well for myself and nobody else. It comes off as a “cliche” statement. It is truly easier said than done. I wouldn’t change a thing. I wouldn’t take it back.
I didn’t know that 15 years later I would be asked that question, by a therapist, who was helping fight for my life, after being in a toxic relationship that almost killed me.
This was different, I wasn’t the only one that I needed to forgive. It has taken time, and I’ve learned to forgive myself (my way). Forgiving the person who physically hurt me is hard. I’m almost halfway there, as I know now to look around, and see the people in front of me. The “people” are different though; they are victims of domestic violence (DV), listening to me speak about forgiving and healing (yourself) before anything/anybody else. I learned that from a vicious ED (which I do talk about as well).
It comes with me. There is no letting go, no closure, and no forgetting it. I taught myself to be thankful that it happened, as it has given me strength and a voice to use helping others.
You and only you can help you…reach out for help from others who understand what you are going through, look at what’s in front of you, know that you can add to it, you can forgive yourself, and you can survive. Most importantly, you can share your story!
About April Lawson
Professor of Political Science and Domestic Violence Advocate
I live in Colorado. I’ve taught political science for 15 years to college students. I am a member of various groups/organizations: Break the Silence; No More DV; World Eating Disorders Day Activist, and Tina’s Law. Teaching college students (Government) is my passion, helping them to open their mind to issues we face today. Since December 2018, I have written/now revising a book, Romeo’s Anorexia, adding how an eating disorder has played a part in my own mental state of domestic violence. The title of my lectures to DV groups is “1 In 4”, raising awareness that one in four people are being victimized by a partner. My goal is to help break the “stigma” on eating disorders and domestic violence. They are “quiet” topics that nobody seems to want to talk about. It’s important to me to have a voice in both.
World Eating Disorders Action Day
World Eating Disorders Action Day is taking place across the world on June 2, 2020. For the 5th year running, this grassroots campaign brings together ALL OF YOU from more than 50 countries and over 250 organizations around the globe to increase awareness about EDs and evidence-based treatment. EDs are life threatening, brain-based disorders, with genetic linkages and metabolic factors. They are also possible to treat, especially when identified and treated EARLY.
Join us in sharing the information posted on this page, and the stories we share! We welcome stories of up to 800 words – that help to break stigma by sharing your experiences, and particularly how you have been impacted by, and are coping with the challenges of, COVID19. Also, keep checking the website www.worldeatingdisordersday.org for news of events.
To submit your story for this blog, write to: worldeatingdisorderday@gmail.com and june@junealexander.com
Remember to #StaySafe #StayHome and #ShareYourStory