A Love Letter to All Those Struggling
By Ariana
It is extremely difficult to write these words, to reminisce what living with multiple eating disorders has done to my life.
As I write, I can feel my heart hurting at the sole thoughts of having to dust off those memories, those feelings I have so carefully learned to hide deep in the back of my mind to avoid that heartache.
Yes, eating disorders hurt. They truly hurt a lot; they attach your whole existence, they poison you, your mind, your relationships, your youth, your opportunities. You deprive yourself of life as you let your life be deprived of you.
You starve yourself as you starve your life.
This is what eating disorders do to you and, if you who are reading these words are struggling (or you’re worried that you might be ) with food and the image you have of yourself, then, you know exactly what I mean.
We develop these disordered eating habits to cope with our inner struggles. Eating too much or to little is a self-defensive mechanism that we engage in when we are trying to fill a void, numb an internal sufferance, and either appear or disappear.
We want to be seen but, at the same time, we don’t want to be seen.
Eating disorders are a mental disease and I don’t care what trauma you’re running from, what sufferance you’re trying to suffocate: Anorexia, Bulimia, Binge Eating … are not the answer.
It doesn’t matter how much you starve yourself or you fill yourself, the eating disorder won’t cure you, it won’t cure your pain. It won’t help you.
You are much more than a number on a scale, let me tell you. I have repeated these words to myself countless of times without believing them but, now I know it is true. Now, I know there is so much more that is worth taking in consideration more than my body, more than other people’s opinion, more than beauty standards, more than feeling “accepted”, more than starving myself to hurt those who hurt me.
We are so much more valuable than this and we do deserve love, happiness and health. I don’t care where you are, what you’re doing and why, just know that this applies to you as well: yes, you are worthy. Yes, you truly are unique. Yes, you can recover. Yes, there IS life after an eating disorder and, let me tell you: what an amazing life! A life where you feel no longer drawn to be self-destructive, but you choose to love yourself, to nurture your soul, your body and your life. You can start today right where you are with what you have.
Trust me, choosing to heal, choosing to LIVE, choosing to open your arms to the infinite possibilities that life WILL give you the moment you embrace it, the moment you embrace yourself: this is much more rewarding than losing another pound; this is more rewarding than making yourself sick one more time; this is more rewarding than skipping dinner: this is the key that will lead you where you want to be.
Recovery is a long ride but do trust me when I tell you the view on top is beautiful. Do trust me when I tell you there is an answer that is healthier and happier than what you’re doing right now. There is an opportunity, for everyone.
I have found myself sitting on the edge so many times, and so many times I have thought of giving up. Once a dear friend told me that real change happens when you’re genuinely tired of living the same nightmare repeatedly. Real change happens when you understand the answer is self-acceptance, self-love and self-respect. Heal your mind and heal your body; the rest will follow.
Eating disorders will continue to damage you and those around you. You will be stolen of everything you have to find yourself in the depths of desperation. You should know you are not alone. You do not have to fight this battle on your own; to ask for help, the choose recovery is to chose life. To choose life is to choose yourself.
I hope that you know you are loved. You are seen and you are listened to. You are appreciated, you are worthy, you are deserving, and you CAN overcome this.
We can’t afford eating disorders as we cannot afford to throw ourselves and our opportunities into a path of self-loathing and self-hate. Much love, abundance, and beauty, surrounds you and is waiting for you to shine through.
Recovery might not be easy at times but always, always remember no matter how hard it might be at the beginning, it does get easier and it is so much worth it. It will be more difficult and definitely more excruciating to keep on torturing yourself instead of healing your wounds.
So, choose recovery TODAY.
About Ariana
I am an Italian girl, aged 21, who suffered from eating disorders for most of my teen years before choosing to recover. I’m a strong advocator of mental health awareness and mental recovery. I truly hope this message is able to give hope and support to all those who are currently dealing with mental illness. You do not stand alone.
World Eating Disorders Action Day
World Eating Disorders Action Day is taking place across the world on June 2, 2020. For the 5th year running, this grassroots campaign brings together ALL OF YOU from more than 50 countries and over 250 organizations around the globe to increase awareness about EDs and evidence-based treatment. EDs are life threatening, brain-based disorders, with genetic linkages and metabolic factors. They are also possible to treat, especially when identified and treated EARLY.
Join us in sharing the information posted on this page, and the stories we share! We welcome stories of up to 800 words – that help to break stigma by sharing your experiences, and particularly how you have been impacted by, and are coping with the challenges of, COVID19. Also, keep checking the website www.worldeatingdisordersday.org for news of events.
To submit your story for this blog, write to: worldeatingdisorderday@gmail.com and june@junealexander.com
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