What my eating disorder has taught me:

I have always thought that being skinny was better and would make you prettier and happier; I tried to lose weight and managed to; lost control and fell into an eating disorder, Anorexia. I was miserable and hated my life, never allowed myself to eat anything sugary or “fatty”.

I am almost done with my treatment but still have a little more to go but I know for sure that this path that I went down has made me a better person and has taught me so much, one of the things I have learnt is that no matter how your body looks you can love it and have a happy life. Losing weight made me so unhappy because I wanted to eat unhealthy sometimes and I was never “allowed” too. I lost myself completely and lost friends and all my strength that I once had. I was a very sporty girl and I took it to far when it came to exercising, almost killing myself. I could never get the thought of food out of my mind and in my free time I would just watch videos of people eating.

When I started treatment, the first thing we worked on was foods and eating foods I was “afraid of”. I enjoyed it so much and became so much happier. I have learnt that food is a huge part of our lives especially as a teenager, going out with your friends and eating fast food and sweets. We socialize over food so being able to eat it is amazing. I have a great life now and an amazing social life. I love my body and don’t want to lose weight now because I know the effects.

I have learnt that we need to live at our own healthy body weight and if we are not happy, get professional help rather then “fix it” by ourselves. I have become so much more knowledgeable about life now and I have realized just how strong the mind is. I fell down a trap thinking it was just normal, but now I know just how wrong I was. You have to have an extremely strong mind in order to develop a metal illness and an even stronger mind in order to recover and get well.

Sophie

Age 14

My ED showed me the person I don’t want to be. It taught me how the psych can uncontrollably distort reality, mutating everything and everyone within my life. It taught me the worst way for life to end; through the weakening of the body, and especially the suffering of those i love. But my ED has also shown me the strength within me. With the strength to fight the demon within myself, I was able to raise up and grow as a soul. My ED massacred me, but it also taught me how to be a warrior.

AS, 16 yo

Recovering from an ED has taught me that no matter what weight & shape is idolised by society or my ED, I cannot force my own body to be anything other than the size it is naturally supposed to be. Shrinking it down cost me everything; my personality, relationships, sense of fun, ability to think about anything other than food. It cost me years of the one life I get. I’ve learnt that living with an ED made my life small & isolated. In order to live the life I want to live & be the person I want to be I cannot shrink my body down. I need to accept the size it is naturally supposed to be, & get on living my life as a Meg sized Meg

Meg, 31 yo

Being trough and recovering from an ED made me stronger. Most people think that going down and starving is the hardest but recovering is much harder than that. My ED taught me the power my mind has aver my body,it showed me that I am capable of putting myself through a dangerous situation and somehow recover from it. It also made me realise that sometimes you need to accept help. I did not want to recocer, I did not want to get help but once I got it, started the path of recovery and eventually recovered, I was grateful that i was forced to get help. Finally, my ED taught me about moderation. Before having anorexia, I was thinking in the extremes: it was either black or white, perfection or complete failure, starve or be fat. Then, during my recovery I realised that eating again did not mean I was going to stuff myself and be bulimic, that not being the best at something did not make me the worst. With therapy and time, I learned that what I was thinking and striving for was unachievable. Although I still find it hard, I work every day to remind myself that not being the best at something does not make me the worst and that I an allowed to have some weaknesses.

LE, 18 yo

I had anorexia and orthorexia for 10 years and in that time I lost the ability to socialise and maintain friendships, became rigid and selfish, was unable to get pregnant, developed osteoporosis and made my family worry about me constantly. The eating disorder was like a prison that I built for myself to gain a false sense of control, but at the same time was one that made me miserable and I could not escape from. 

Since recovering, I am healthier, have a great social life, laugh more, have a happier marriage, am now pregnant and my mum says, “she has her little girl back.” 

Although the disorder was certainly the darkest moments of my life which robbed so many years of my life in which I should have been living life to the full, free of the shackles of the disorder, I have learnt lessons from the experience that will stay with me. To start with I have recognised my own strength and self worth, I learnt how to mother myself and I believe that is why I have been blessed with a baby, I no longer need to be perfect and realise that sometimes ‘good enough’ is okay and I have gained a greater empathy for others going through difficult times as none of us know truly the internal struggles that everyone around us face. 

Since recovering, I have also learnt how society puts so much pressure on us to look a certain way and eat a ‘clean’ diet. We all live in constant guilt of the missed workout or chocolate bar we have eaten, but I have realised that life is about enjoyment and memories that can only be made when we join in and let go of rigid rules.     

SM, 30 yo
Stories from MEEDA (Middle East Ed Association)

World Eating Disorders Action Day

World Eating Disorders Action Day is taking place across the world on June 2, 2020. For the 5th year running, this grassroots campaign brings together ALL OF YOU from more than 50 countries and over 250 organizations around the globe to increase awareness about EDs and evidence-based treatment. EDs are life threatening, brain-based disorders, with genetic linkages and metabolic factors. They are also possible to treat, especially when identified and treated EARLY.

Join us in sharing the information posted on this page, and the stories we share! We welcome stories of up to 800 words – that help to break stigma by sharing your experiences, and particularly how you have been impacted by, and are coping with the challenges of, COVID19. Also, keep checking the website www.worldeatingdisordersday.org for news of events.

To submit your story for this blog, write to: worldeatingdisorderday@gmail.com and june@junealexander.com

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